var Quotation=new Array() Quotation[0] = "Oops, I can\'t think of a quote!"; Quotation[1] = "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"; Quotation[2] = "If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"; Quotation[3] = "When everything\'s coming your way, you\'re in the wrong lane!"; Quotation[4] = "Defeat isn\'t bitter if you don\'t swallow it."; Quotation[5] = "We all have a photographic memory. Some just don\'t have film!"; Quotation[6] = "It doesn\'t matter what temperature the room is, it\'s always room temperature."; Quotation[7] = "If you can\'t beat them, join them and then beat them!"; Quotation[8] = "The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live."; Quotation[9] = "Perfection is not optional."; Quotation[10] = "If anything can go wrong, fix it. To hell with Murphy!"; Quotation[11] = "The squeaky wheel gets replaced."; Quotation[12] = "Two rules to success in life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
2. ..."; Quotation[13] = "How come wrong numbers are never busy?"; Quotation[14] = "People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who actually do!"; Quotation[15] = "Sometimes you\'re the bug, and sometimes you\'re the windshield."; Quotation[16] = "The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected."; Quotation[17] = "The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you\'ve it made."; Quotation[18] = "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!"; Quotation[19] = "You\'re getting old when your top three favourite pastimes involve sleep."; Quotation[20] = "You\'re getting old when your sentences begin with, \"When I was your age...\""; Quotation[21] = "If you\'re not part of the solution, you ARE the problem."; Quotation[22] = "What\'s another word for Thesaurus?"; Quotation[23] = "After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?"; Quotation[24] = "Individually, ants are stupid... together, they\'re brilliANT."; Quotation[25] = "My favorite PC error message: \"No keyboard detected. Press F1 to continue.\""; Quotation[26] = "I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."; Quotation[27] = "Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?"; Quotation[28] = "The Box said \"Windows XP, Vista or better needed\" so I bought a Mac!"; Quotation[29] = "I\'ll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I\'m trying..."; Quotation[30] = "If Windows is so user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual?"; Quotation[31] = "If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help."; Quotation[32] = "For a real sponge cake, should you borrow all the ingredients?"; Quotation[33] = "Bacon and eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed."; Quotation[34] = "Is Originality the art of concealing your sources?"; Quotation[35] = "Are paper clips the larval stage of coat hangers?"; Quotation[36] = "Democracy - Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch."; Quotation[37] = "Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right."; Quotation[38] = "Don\'t assume malice for what stupidity can explain."; Quotation[39] = "If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer. "; Quotation[40] = "Advice is free: The right answer costs plenty."; Quotation[41] = "Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!"; Quotation[42] = "Excuses are easy to manufacture, but the hardest things to sell."; Quotation[43] = "A conclusion is usually where you got tired of thinking."; Quotation[44] = "War never decides who is right, only who is left."; Quotation[45] = "Would a crowded elevator smell different to a midget?"; Quotation[46] = "My life has a superb cast, now if only I had the plot."; Quotation[47] = "Eagles may soar, but frogs don\'t get sucked into jet engines."; Quotation[48] = "Bacteria is the only culture some people have."; Quotation[49] = "Beauty\'s only skin deep, ugly goes all the way to the bone."; Quotation[50] = "If feet are kept firmly on the ground wouldn\'t you have trouble putting on pants?"; Quotation[51] = "Share what you know. Learn what you don\'t."; Quotation[52] = "Fear is a thief, it steals our todays while we worry about tomorrow!"; Quotation[53] = "People who don\'t make mistakes usually don\'t make anything."; Quotation[54] = "Keep your mouth shut, and look like a fool? Or open your mouth, and remove all doubt!"; Quotation[55] = "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine!"; Quotation[56] = "You can choose your friends but not your relatives."; Quotation[57] = "Your freedom stops where it infringes on somebody else\'s."; Quotation[58] = "Pain is temporary, pride is forever."; Quotation[59] = "You lose 100 percent of the races you don't start."; Quotation[60] = "Failure is fate hinting that you\'re going the wrong way."; Quotation[61] = "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!"; Quotation[62] = "I\'m not afraid of death, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens."; Quotation[63] = "I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll make an exception."; Quotation[64] = "Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure."; Quotation[65] = "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."; Quotation[66] = "Your true value depends entirely on who or what you are compared with."; Quotation[67] = "No person is great or small other than by comparison."; Quotation[68] = "A woman\'s work is never done, that\'s why a man\'s gotta do it!"; Quotation[69] = "Sometimes you\'re the nail, sometimes you\'re the hammer."; Quotation[70] = "What goes up a downpipe \'down\' but won\'t go down a downpipe \'up\'?"; Quotation[71] = "The easiest way to kill time is to work it to death."; Quotation[72] = "Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what\'s right."; Quotation[73] = "Three failures denote uncommon strength. A weakling has not enough grit to fail thrice."; Quotation[74] = "In taking revenge, a man is merely even with his enemy, but in passing it over, he is superior."; Quotation[75] = "I was always taught to respect my elders but I\'ve now reached the age where I don\'t have anybody to respect."; Quotation[76] = "Any fine morning, a power saw can fell a tree that took a thousand years to grow."; Quotation[77] = "A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members."; Quotation[78] = "To err is human, but to really stuff things up requires a computer."; Quotation[79] = "Don\'t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice."; Quotation[80] = "Life is really simple, we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it."; Quotation[81] = "A lady is a woman who makes it easy for a man to be a gentleman."; Quotation[82] = "The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity."; Quotation[83] = "A bore is a person who, when you ask how they are, tell you."; Quotation[84] = "Never argue with an idiot, they will bring you down to their level then beat you with experience."; Quotation[85] = "There is nothing that dulls a personality so much as a negative outlook."; Quotation[86] = "Whatever advice you give, be brief."; Quotation[87] = "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lessons afterwards."; Quotation[88] = "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do all three."; Quotation[89] = "A fanatic is one who can\'t change his mind and won\'t change the subject."; Quotation[90] = "Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it also cures."; Quotation[91] = "Only the mediocre are always at their best."; Quotation[92] = "Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits them all."; Quotation[93] = "Sometimes it\'s holding on that makes one strong, sometimes it\'s letting go."; Quotation[94] = "Normal is not something to aspire to, it\'s something to get away from."; Quotation[95] = "I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous."; Quotation[96] = "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."; Quotation[97] = "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."; Quotation[98] = "The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none."; Quotation[99] = "As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it."; Quotation[100] = "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
But... Don't cross the bridge until you come to it."; Quotation[101] = "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
But... Out of sight, out of mind."; Quotation[102] = "The pen is mightier than the sword.
But... Actions speak louder than words."; Quotation[103] = "Birds of a feather flock together.
But... Opposites attract."; Quotation[104] = "The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
But... Silence is golden."; Quotation[105] = "Don\'t look a gift horse in the mouth.
But... Beware of Greeks bearing gifts."; Quotation[106] = "It\'s better to be safe than sorry.
But... Nothing ventured, nothing gained."; Quotation[107] = "Don\'t judge a book by its cover.
But... Clothes make the man."; Quotation[108] = "Look before you leap.
But... He who hesitates is lost."; Quotation[109] = "A word to the wise is sufficient.
But... Talk is cheap."; Quotation[110] = "You\'re never too old to learn.
But... You can\'t teach an old dog new tricks."; Quotation[111] = "Many hands make light work.
But... Too many cooks spoil the broth."; Quotation[112] = "Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."; Quotation[113] = "Love truth, but pardon error."; Quotation[114] = "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."; Quotation[115] = "I once read that drinking is harmful to my health. So I stopped reading."; Quotation[116] = "Not forgiving someone is like eating poison and waiting for them to die."; Quotation[117] = "If you look like your passport photo, you are not well enough to travel."; Quotation[118] = "When you are talking, you are not learning anything!"; Quotation[119] = "If you\'ve made up your mind you can\'t do something, you\'re absolutely right."; Quotation[120] = "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."; Quotation[121] = "Make the rules or your rivals will!"; Quotation[122] = "The soul would have no rainbow, had the eyes no tears."; Quotation[123] = "Never take sleeping pills and a laxative on the same night."; Quotation[124] = "Never raise up more demons than you can lay down."; Quotation[125] = "The hurrier you go, the behinder you get."; Quotation[126] = "Time becomes meaningless in the face of creativity."; Quotation[127] = "Runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."; Quotation[128] = "Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end."; Quotation[129] = "A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion."; Quotation[130] = "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."; Quotation[131] = "The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away."; Quotation[132] = "A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it."; Quotation[133] = "Silent gratitude is not very much use to anyone."; Quotation[134] = "War is a cowardly escape from the problems of peace."; Quotation[135] = "Where are we going and why are we in this hand-basket?"; Quotation[136] = "Romanian saying: You learn all your life, then you die stupid!"; Quotation[137] = "Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."; Quotation[138] = "42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot."; Quotation[139] = "All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."; Quotation[140] = "I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."; Quotation[141] = "If you enjoyed yourself wasting time, it was not time wasted."; Quotation[142] = "Regret is insight that comes a day too late."; Quotation[143] = "Stop procrastinating? - I\'ll start tomorrow."; Quotation[144] = "Ignorance and Apathy - I don\'t know and I don\'t care!"; Quotation[145] = "It is not worth an intelligent person\'s time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that."; Quotation[146] = "Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them."; Quotation[147] = "Those are my principles, and if you don\'t like them... well, I have others."; Quotation[148] = "Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don\'t."; Quotation[149] = "Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."; Quotation[150] = "Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life."; Quotation[151] = "You don\'t get anything clean without getting something else dirty."; Quotation[152] = "It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them."; Quotation[153] = "Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up."; Quotation[154] = "People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it\'s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."; Quotation[155] = "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it\'s cowardice."; Quotation[156] = "Failure is not the only punishment for laziness there is also the success of others."; Quotation[157] = "We learn something every day, and lots of times it\'s that what we learned the day before was wrong."; Quotation[158] = "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."; Quotation[159] = "When one is wrapped up in one\'s self, one makes a very small package."; Quotation[160] = "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire."; Quotation[161] = "It\'s always darkest before dawn. So if you\'re going to steal your neighbour\'s newspaper, that's the time to do it."; Quotation[162] = "Don\'t be irreplaceable. If you can\'t be replaced, you can\'t be promoted."; Quotation[163] = "Always remember that you\'re unique. Just like everyone else."; Quotation[164] = "Never test the depth of the water with both feet."; Quotation[165] = "If you think nobody cares if you\'re alive, try missing a couple of loan re-payments."; Quotation[166] = "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you\'re a mile away and you have their shoes."; Quotation[167] = "If at first you don\'t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you."; Quotation[168] = "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."; Quotation[169] = "If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment."; Quotation[170] = "If you always tell the truth, you won\'t have to remember anything."; Quotation[171] = "Everyone seems normal until you get to know them."; Quotation[172] = "The Quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."; Quotation[173] = "A closed mouth gathers no foot."; Quotation[174] = "Duct tape is like \'The Force\'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together."; Quotation[175] = "There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."; Quotation[176] = "Generally speaking, you\'re not learning much when your lips are moving."; Quotation[177] = "Experience is something you don\'t get until just after you need it."; Quotation[178] = "Never miss a good chance to shut up."; Quotation[179] = "Character is more easily kept than restored."; Quotation[180] = "One can sometimes find one\'s destiny on the road one takes to avoid it."; Quotation[181] = "If you can\'t find your way out of a bad situation look for a way further in."; Quotation[182] = "Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for those who\'ve been there."; Quotation[183] = "Responsibility is not given, it\'s taken."; Quotation[184] = "It\'s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money."; Quotation[185] = "The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog, it feeds the hand that bites it."; Quotation[186] = "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."; Quotation[187] = "An eye for an eye will eventually make the whole world blind."; Quotation[188] = "A goal without a plan is just a wish! Stop wishing."; Quotation[189] = "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."; Quotation[190] = "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."; Quotation[191] = "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."; Quotation[192] = "Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."; Quotation[193] = "Danger and delight grow on one stalk."; Quotation[194] = "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is."; Quotation[195] = "A brave man may regret a decision, a coward may not make the decision at all."; Quotation[196] = "Failure is the compost in which we grow success."; Quotation[197] = "A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well."; Quotation[198] = "Egotism is the anaesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity."; Quotation[199] = "For those of you with a black and white TV, the pink ball is immediately to the right of the blue."; Quotation[200] = "Why isn\'t the word \'phonetic\' spelt the way it sounds?"; Quotation[201] = "Curiosity was framed, ignorance killed the cat."; Quotation[202] = "A person with no enemies has done nothing."; Quotation[203] = "The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it."; Quotation[204] = "It takes less energy to face the truth than it does to run away from it"; Quotation[205] = "Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."; Quotation[206] = "You can\'t solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it."; var Q = Quotation.length; var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1)); //var actual = (whichQuotation+2); function showQuotation() { document.write(Quotation[whichQuotation]); //document.write(" " + actual + "/" + Q + ""); } showQuotation();